Spring is Here!

I keep switching back and forth between happy and unhappy. So, I guess you can say I feel happy, but unfulfilled. I think that fits best.

Firstly, Spring Break was a bust. Monica's friend Britt bailed on us last minute and we ended up not able to go, so we were all pretty damn disappointed. I mean, it wasn't so bad- Caleb and I went and spent the day in Topeka, spent a lot of money, and had an absolute blast, but it would have been nice to get to see Moni. Still, things between her and I have been pretty decent. We've had a spat or two, which is natural- a relationship over this sort of distance is far from easy- but we've managed to keep strong through it all. When my dad pays back the money I lent him, my friend Sam and I are planning on making a weekend visit to Dallas to see her, so there's at least that to look forward to.

In the meantime, my life has been balanced between school, and videogames. Dragon Age 2 has become my escape from the world, and I'm absolutely adoring it. I loved the original Dragon Age, and the transition into a new mode of gameplay for this one just made me love it even more. It's nice to be able to do more than just click something and say "Okay, go attack that. And then maybe throw a fireball at it, if it doesn't die fast enough." I've been rocking a mage character, and went into the Force Mage specialization, plus loaded him down with a bunch of lightning spells, so I'm basically running around as a friggin' Sith. It's loads of fun.

School is... not so fun. In fact, I'm getting sick of it. It's not just the difficulty, I could work beyond that if I had to. It's the fact that I feel like I'm not actually getting anything out of it. A year as an art student, and I don't feel like I've learned a damn thing. I mean, as I've raved about before, I love the community that all the art students seem to have together. But in a classroom situation? I'm still waiting for somebody to actually try and teach me something.

It's not like it sounds, I'm not going all "I already know this stuff, learn me somethin new, teach!" Actually, it's the exact opposite. It's like they're assigning things that I really don't understand completely, and they're giving really no instruction as to what they're actually wanting me to do, or how to do it. My Intro to Drawing teacher failed me, on account that none of my drawings were "finished." Which is a load of BS. But I use that as a testament to the fact that the teachers I've had? With ONE exception, so far, they're all looking for what THEY like. They don't seem to actually care about what sort of art I enjoy doing, or what I see as aesthetically pleasing. It's about what sort of art they enjoy, and they expect their students to pander to that. It's really annoying and I'm getting sick of it. It's getting to the point where I'm considering changing majors to something else, like Theater or Communications (or whatever you would consider TV and Broadcasting stuff). College is supposed to be about getting the skills you need to one day get your dream career, not try to please a bunch of professors who don't think that what you like is all that cool. I mean, to almost all of my art teachers so far, when I tell them that I want to get into animation, they actually scoff at me! Like "What? That's not real art." You have no idea how aggravating that is.

Through it all, I have my friends- and lately, my little brother- to help me get along. Between Caleb, Sam, Monica, and Christian, I find a way to feel like I'm still a whole person and not just some unsatisfied ghost floating around in the basement. And I know that I'm blessed to have them in my life.